Scary Weirdos is a comedy song by Mitch Benn about a man who wondered why he was always surrounded by scary weirdos… until he looked in the mirror and realised he had become a scary weirdo.
Of course ”scary weirdo” is not a phrase I would use, but I have thought about that song recently. Why? It’s not possible to get on with everyone. That’s the caveat. I was at a gathering lately when a woman said that she always finds strange people are attracted to her, they magnate towards her, and she did not know why. My immediate thought was ”Look in the mirror!”
The lady is middle aged with blue hair – and we all know that at this point in time, blue hair gives off a certain signal. Her T-shirt print was a cartoon character. Her tattoos were of cartoon characters. She had a rainbow wristband. She is open about being a Pagan and a bit of a witch. She does role play and D&D style computer games. She seems to think she is an expert on everything and talks incessantly. And I mean incessantly, mainly about herself.
Now, what sort of person is going to think that this lady will be a suitable friend?
As I said in a previous post, we all wear a uniform.
I used to attract strange people and needy people. I have had to do some soul searching and change things about myself in order to attract the sorts of friends that I genuinely want and always have wanted.
Apart from when I was going through a tough time, I’ve not looked too out there. However, I do like some colourful hippy clothes, but I mainly keep them for holidays and festivals. If I walk around town in my colourful clothes, I would attract people wanting money or people wanting to chat in the street about very personal problems or transcendental yogic flying. I wear my tomboy clothes most days.
I do have a rainbow wristband, but I prefer people to see me instead of my sexual orientation, so I hardly ever wear the rainbow wristband. I prefer people to meet me and who I am. Like it or not, people are prejudiced about LGBT people and will assume things about an LGBT person, including other LGBT people. I want to live without so many assumptions.
I have had coloured hair – mainly purple or red – but my hair was always dyed by a professional hairdresser and the colours worked with my natural hair tones. So it was never bright red or bright purple. When I was going through a tough time, my hair was a mess, but someone took me to one side and told me.
My problem that causes strange people to magnate towards me was what I expected from friendships. Firstly, I never saw any modelling of good friendships from my parents. My parents were not nice people, they were violent, aggressive and angry, and so most people avoided them. My dad had zero friends. The dog was his best friend and only friend. My mother gained about three friends and found that no one was there for her when she needed something. But my mother’s version of doing things for people was doing tasks at churches that no one really cared about.
I grew up in churches. There are pros and cons to this. One of the cons is that you are told to be nice and kind to everyone. So I was. I saw that the middle classes – which made up most of church congregations – played by different rules and were not nice and kind to everyone. They were quick to stab each other in the back. I genuinely thought that having a come one, come all policy – as churches are supposed to have – was what God wanted from me.
The middle class folk wanted nothing to do with me because I genuinely believe and follow Jesus as nearly as I can every day of my life, and so with church folk that left the strange and needy people.
We need to be able to think critically about ourselves, and about what signals we give out. We have to be able to look at ourselves and ask real questions about ourselves. I’m doing that around finance and goals at the moment. I have to be brutally honest with myself and where I have gone wrong so that I can fix the problem.
I am happy in the way that I am helping people today. I recruit people for cleaning jobs, and I help those who are working with us into training and exams, and whatever else I can do to help each person reach their goals. By working, those people are showing that they are the sorts of people who will make a go of their lives. Before, I spent a lot of time on people who were happy to make excuses and remain on welfare benefits.
I am still a nice person, but I know now to keep certain people at arm’s length and to invest my time in people who see themselves as worth the time and effort.
I have had to be brutally honest with myself and all the mistakes I have made around friendships, finance, being naive and more. I have had to be brutally honest with myself in order to stop making those mistakes and change the direction of my life.
Let’s see how this goes. Good luck to you in whatever you are trying to change.